Burn it all down

I am not OK.

 

Dante nailed it. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. I should’ve never dared hope.

Cue the inferno.

 

I’m almost 50 now, and I’ve given all my fucks away. They’re gone with the wind. This is where everything changed for me…again. This was where I realized I have been betrayed…again.

 

This pinpoint in history is where I enter my villain era. Not because I’m going to enact a riot or become an actual criminal such as the one who will assume office. It means I step into my power without a second thought about whether it pleases anyone else.

 

A powerful woman is a thing to be feared. And, damn, do we fear her. 

 

I want it on record that I joyfully cast my vote for Kamala Harris. I’m proud of her and the near flawless campaign she ran. I truly felt the joy in her message. The energy. The hope. But it was not to be. And like Langston Hughes, I’m left wondering if America really is America to me.

 

I want it on record that I never fell for the grift. Not ever.

 

Tonight America voted for hate, for fascism, for racism. Tonight, we’ve told boys and young men they can sexually assault women and still hold the highest office in the land.

Tonight we voted for a man who hates women to his very core. Not just the women who oppose him—but all women. We will not forget. I will not forget.

 

Tonight we’ve ignored the pleas from nearly everyone who has served closely with him, begging us not to elect him into office again. Tonight we elected a man who admires Hitler and other dictators and will use his office to seek retribution on his enemies (people who disagree with him).

 

Tonight we elected a man who denied the last election and incited violence because of it, and people died. Others were held accountable for those crimes, but he was not. He perpetuated a lie and people believed it and committed murder for it. For him.

 

None of this was enough to disqualify him for more than half the voters, and I am sickened.

 

All under the guise of Christianity.

 

This, my friends, is American Christianity. And I want nothing to do with it. I’ll take my Jesus and we’ll go elsewhere. It’s not the clergy and certainly not the politicians who decide what a true Christian is. Christianity, I thought, was supposed to be caring for the poor, the needy, the hungry, the downtrodden. Not spewing hate and violence. Incidentally, I no longer identify with the term Christian and it’s debatable whether Jesus himself would claim this current version.

 

With this level of betrayal felt in every part of me, I find myself questioning others’ motives. This is no longer about “building bridges,” “finding common ground,” or “Can’t we all just get along?”

 

These are not political differences. This is about humanity and what we stand for. It's about certain leaders enforcing beliefs and morals onto entire groups of people, typically the marginalized ones.

Think of someone on the opposite side of the political aisle from yourself. Would you want them making your personal decisions for you? Just something to consider.

People have had more than enough time to find out who he is. Sadly, they know who he is, and despite his absolute moral bankruptcy, he has been elected.

 

Approaching 50 years, I’ve seen a lot of elections and political activity in my lifetime. Our country has never been this divided.

There has never been such cult-like devotion to one man.

 

And I will never understand it.

 

It’s far too early for optimism, but if anything with a forward slant has come out of this for me, it’s these two things.

 

First, clarity. A person can do an awful lot with clarity. I’ll never accept nor understand the willingness of so many people to side with an evil man, but at least I’ll know where we stand. As a species and all. Yes, clarity is good.

 

Second, burn it all down. My villain era is going to be fabulous.

 

Feel free to stick around for the ride. Or unfollow, unsubscribe. Do what you must.

 

I am not OK, and yet, I am. Or at least I will be. Because I will never allow myself to be betrayed again. If that means a lack of trust, that's what it means. Can I trust people who elect a dangerous man? Can I trust those who have such a different version of what this country should be and what kind of leader should be at the helm?

I'll only be OK if I burn it all down first. The perceptions people have of me. These relationships that only exist on pleasantries and my compliance. That's all in the ash pit.

Yesterday, feeling cautiously optimistic, I quoted the musical Hamilton, in which he says, "America, you great unfinished symphony." I don't know. The only symphony that comes to my mind right now is the symphony of destruction by Megadeth.

You take a mortal man

And put him in control

Watch him become a God.

Watch people's heads a-roll.

Just like the pied piper

Led rats through the streets

We dance like marionettes

Swaying to the symphony of destruction.

Though I feel abandoned by everything I thought I knew, I'll still carry on.

I'll burn it all down and rise from the ashes.